All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
