YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
