the condom got lost in my hair
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
