I cockslap morals
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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