One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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