I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize