Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
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You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
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You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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