First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
