I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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