he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
