My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Randomize
