He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
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Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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