I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
