Your tits are I can't wait for
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
