Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
