Having a random hookup so left but love u
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize