who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
