My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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