can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize