do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
