My room smells like vodka and shame
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
