mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I wish I only lived at night.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Randomize