So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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