rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
