honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
