if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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