I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
