My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
