dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
