you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
