Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
