I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
