we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
