the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
