At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
