I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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