I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
