Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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