her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
