i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
