Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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