Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
