Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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