If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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