This house was built for laser tag.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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