Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
