You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
