saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
