just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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