Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
