I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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