apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
