i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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