Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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