Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
