am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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