Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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