i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
