I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
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