i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I love you.
Bad choice
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
