Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
