She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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