Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
