Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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