i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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