Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
