sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
