I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
