if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
