It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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