dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
