somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
