I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
